We’ve all been there — stuck in a conversation where two people are using the same words but… mean completely different things. 😬

It’s a small thing, but it can create some big obstacles if you’re trying to help your clients, customers, or students accomplish a goal.

A client might say they love ‘blue rooms,’ but is that a moody navy sanctuary, or a breezy sky-blue retreat? Without clear communication, you can spend weeks designing something they don’t want. Then you’re faced with a conundrum — do you charge the client for the time to redo the design, or not? Was it their fault for not communicating what they wanted, or your fault for not knowing how to draw out the information needed to deliver the right results?

It’s even more dangerous with couples, where something as simple as a color choice can spark stupid, but project-halting, arguments. One partner says they “love blue rooms” and suddenly you’re caught in the middle of a conflict that has nothing to do with your goal and everything to do with their marriage.

(We joke about being marriage counselors, but all we want to do is help our clients create a space they both love.)

What if you discovered, after digging a bit deeper, that they actually agree on the color? The argument wasn’t really about loving or hating blue — but about what they each pictured when you said “blue.” (This actually happened with one of my clients. Luckily we all had a good laugh and it made communication better throughout the rest of the project.)

Figuring out what someone means by “blue” before they start to argue can really save the day. This is why I teach designers the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique within The DECIDE Method™ — because assumptions create dangerous conditions. We need clarity if we want to be effective service providers.

And this concept doesn’t just apply to design.

A Real-Life Example: Teaching Art Without Assumptions

I recently spoke with artist Terry Rafferty who teaches drawing classes in Chattanooga, TN. She had run into a challenge with one of her more advanced students. Because the student had stronger skills than the rest of the class (which was designed to teach foundational drawing skills) Terry wasn’t sure how best to help her progress.

Here’s how“Show, Don’t Tell” saved the day:

“I (Terry) sat down with my student and said, ‘You’re really beyond the beginner level — how can I help you get something out of this class?’”

At first, the student reassured Terry:

“No, no, I’m happy. I’m picking things up and learning some important things. That’s my goal.”

But then — she showed Terry an example of what she wanted to achieve.

“Once I saw it, everything clicked. I knew exactly how to guide her.

I thought the student wanted to improve at drawing figures. But in reality? She wanted to create “micro-scapes” — detailed studies of tiny elements of nature, like a section of lichen or part of a plant.

I told her, ‘Use the drawing time to study plants, learn the difference between an oak leaf and a maple leaf, and really understand botany so that your micro-scapes become second nature.’

She has a clear vision of what she wants to achieve. Once she showed me an example, it completely changed my understanding.’”

That one small shift — from telling to showing — transformed the advice Terry could give.

Terry’s experience is a perfect example of why ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ is such a powerful decision-making tool. Her student told her she wanted to improve, but it wasn’t until she showed her a piece of art that represented her goal that Terry could give the best guidance. By showing an example of where she wanted to go with her work, everything clicked.

“Show, Don’t Tell” Works in Every Industry

This technique works in any situation where someone wants a physical, tangible result.

We’ve already seen how this applies if you’re an interior designer:

• When a client says they want a ‘cozy’ home, have them show you photos of what ‘cozy’ means to them — because one person’s cozy is another person’s cluttered nightmare. (I often found myself surprised by how people defined design terms! “Modern” is a particularly slippery word!)

We’ve seen how using Show, Don’t Tell works if you’re an art instructor:

• If your student wants to be “loose and abstract” you need to know what they mean by that. Have them show you art they aspire to create. (Note, don’t ask them to show you art they “like” — ask for art they aspire to create. There are lots of rooms I would love to visit, but would never want to live in!

What if you’re a hair stylist? You probably already know the power of Show, Don’t Tell:

• When a client asks for ‘medium-length and layered,’ photos are essential. One person’s ‘medium’ could be shoulder-length while another’s is a bob. That’s months of tearful grow-back if you get it wrong, and the client isn’t likely to return, or give you a glowing review. 😢

What if you’re not a business owner?

• Using Show, Don’t Tell can still make your life easier. Imagine how much simpler it would be if your boss said “I want the front window to look like this” and showed you a consistent Pinterest board of styled shop windows, instead of telling you to make it look “eye-catching…” Are we talking elegant and refined or bold and attention-grabbing? While you can’t control how your boss gives you information, you could grab a couple of inspiration images yourself to run by the Boss before you go through all the effort to style the display.

Removing assumptions and having clients, students, customers (and even our bosses) show us what they mean is the easiest way to eliminate frustration, miscommunication, and wasted time. You set everyone up for success and make it a lot more likely everyone gets what they expected.

Smart Business Owners Insist on Visual Examples: A Case Study

As a business owner, it’s not just okay — it’s smart to insist that clients show you what they like.

When I was running my design studio Seriously Happy Homes, I refused to schedule an initial consultation until the client sent us ten images of rooms they loved. Why?

1. It ensured our team could deliver what the client wanted.
2. It made sure the client’s vision was realistic based on their home, needs, and budget.

Having clients do a little prep work isn’t about copying their inspiration — it’s about setting them up for success. It also makes it possible to educate clients on what’s possible:

• If you’re a stylist: What if their hair texture doesn’t match the model in the photo they pinned? You can’t just use magic to make it like the photo — you have to help them understand what’s possible. Seeing what they like is the first step in aligning dreams with reality.
• If you’re a designer: Their kitchen layout might not support the grand island they saw on Pinterest. Now you have a chance to clarify their priorities. If they have their heart set on an island, will the budget support moving a wall? Seeing what they like is the first step to finding creative solutions.

Better to deliver the bad news early

By seeing their inspiration upfront, you can adjust expectations and offer realistic solutions before the project gets too far. Better to deliver the bad news now, long before the project is underway.

But don’t worry. Some of my most loyal clients started out hearing “no” from me.

• No, they couldn’t remodel their master bathroom for $35,000.
• No, they couldn’t fit a 9-piece sectional in their living room.
• Yes, they could choose the yellow they had in mind, but NO, it won’t result in the soft, buttery color they showed me in their inspo.

They knew my answers were always founded in what was realistic and, most importantly, what aligned with their goals. Even when they didn’t like my answer, they trusted it. All that came from making sure I truly understood what they wanted, in part by having them Show, Don’t Tell.

The Takeaway: Show It, Don’t Say It

Next time someone tells you what they want, ask them to show you.

It’ll make all the difference.

PS: Be Your Own Advocate

This technique is not just for service providers — it applies to you as a client, student, or customer, too! If you’re hiring a coach, working with a teacher, or sitting in a salon chair:

• Don’t just describe what you want — show them.
• Don’t wait for them to prompt you — be proactive.

Not every business owner is skilled at drawing the right information out of their clients. It’s okay to help them. 🙂

PPS: If they aren’t open to seeing examples of what you mean, they might not be the right fit for you. There are plenty of service providers in the world — you don’t have to settle for someone who takes your money but isn’t open to seeing what you like. If they won’t listen to what you want, chances are slim you’ll get it.

Need help getting your clients to make on-time design decisions? Need help getting your team to help clients make on-time design decisions? Let’s work together and plug that profitability gap so you can keep what you earn and have Seriously Happy™ clients! 🙌

[Originally published on Medium for Stuff Interior Designers Need To Know]