About two years ago I stopped all my subscriptions to my home decorating magazines and I tossed out all my copies of Elle Decor, House Beautiful, Better Homes and Gardens, and Simple Living. With that one choice, my life got happier. Why?  

I discovered that flipping through those magazines made me feel badly about my home. All those aspirational rooms and fancy furnishings would take me from feeling warm and cozy at home, to wondering what I should change.

This was ridiculous, because not only did I literally write the book on being happy at home (seriously, my book is called Happy Starts at Home), but I absolutely adore my home. When my hubby and I sit in our living room one of us invariably mentions how nice it feels. Yet, somehow, after looking at all those design magazines, I would feel like my own space didn’t measure up. Like somehow it failed to reach some arbitrary measure of “taste.”Had my space changed as I read the magazines? Nope. It was still the cozy cocoon I’d loved a few hours earlier. My perspective, not my space, had changed. I had managed to put myself in a “grass-is-greener” situation. In that moment, instead of practicing gratitude for what I *did* have, I was practicing envy and desire for what I did not have. It had nothing at all to do with how good or bad either space was, but simply where I was placing my focus.

We can fall down this dangerous rabbit hole not only in print but also online with sites like Houzz, Pinterest, Instagram, etc. Are these bad sites? Absolutely not! I use Houzz with my clients all the time before we embark on a design project – it’s a great tool for getting us all on the same visual page. My book’s cover designer used Pinterest in the same way to get the two of us the same wavelength before we started on cover design.

But the vortex of lust, envy, and desire can get ahold of us surprisingly easily, and when it does it can build habits we may not want in our lives—habits of greed instead of gratitude. It develops our discontentment instead of our contentment.

This isn’t just true with home design. Looking at too many photoshopped models in the fashion magazines takes a toll on our self-image. Making a list of all the annoying things your husband does instead of counting all the good things he brings to the table does a number on the marriage. How and where we focus our attention colors and guides our lives. That is why practicing gratitude matters. It brings in more good stuff. And why practicing whining just makes your life seem worse than it is (and can make you unpleasant to be around.)

Does that mean it’s bad to look at magazines or online sites to see what’s trending? Of course not! We just have to be selective about what we let in. While I found Elle Decor and Architectural Digest brought me down, the focus, mood, and content of more “regular people” magazine like  Better Homes and Gardens, Sunset Magazine, or HGTV Magazine offer accessible design ideas that align with my lifestyle and help me see my home for the jewel that it is, despite its lack of ten-thousand-dollar rugs and sofas. The tips in these magazines are practical, the tone is light-hearted. That works for me.

The key is to evaluate, for *yourself*, what is helpful and what adds to your day/life, and what is hurtful, either because of the content, or the quantity. I have pretty much eliminated TV news from my life because it always seems to be framed in a “if it bleeds, it leads” way. That doesn’t mean I ignore the world. I simply get my news in a more measured manner from weekly magazines like The Economist. 

You home should work for you. If it isn’t then yes, you should make some changes. But if it’s doing its job helping you sleep well, host parties, snuggle with your cat, and raise your kids, then don’t worry about it so much. Keep it alive with fresh paint, regular cleaning, and a bouquet of flowers, and go live your life. 

The same goes for your body, your marriage, and your career. If they are healthy, then don’t let some magazine or online article plant a seed of doubt in your mind. The comparison game is a losing game. You’d be better off enjoying a fabulous kitten video, or talking a walk with your partner. 

​Guard your eyes and your mind – that is your garden to tend, and no one else has any right to plant their icky weeds in that Eden.